i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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