Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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