Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
