I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
