I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
