My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize