But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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