The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
