I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize