you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
