And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
