That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
