My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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