turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
