You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
