There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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