My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
