I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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