Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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