So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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