your room smells of hookers.
And success
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
