I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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