your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
