so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
