Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
