We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
