I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
