She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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