I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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