He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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