good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
