this beer tastes like vomit already
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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