I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
