All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize