There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
