We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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