Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
