Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize