she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
