You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
