He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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