I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize