I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
