my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
