eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
