i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
