I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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