It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
