I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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