This girl is more easily done than said...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
