Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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