im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize