whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have demons in me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
