I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so let's talk penis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
