I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
