is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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