I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
