and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was like eating out sand paper
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
