What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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