I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize