I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she peed on how many people?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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