Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
