The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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