All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
