her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
