you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
