hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
