Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
