I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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