Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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