bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
try to milk me bitch
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