It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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