can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize