Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
