I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
