The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
