someone threw a dead crab at me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
