we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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