I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
