I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
