If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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