Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize