We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
