I accidentally had phone sex last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize