i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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