I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
