is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
