STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
