You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your penis caused this!
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