He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
