Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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