Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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