The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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