She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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