would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
